The Library Nazi Quiet Patrol


Before I start, yes this is an application of Goodwin’s Law.

I was in the library the other day, listening, ashamedly to Florence and the Machine’s ‘Drumming Song’, after writing something that I thought was very witty, as I leant back to bask in my magnificence pulling the headphones out of their socket. The glorious sound of Florence sonorously filled the atrium filtering down from the third floor…

Louder than sirens / Louder than bells

Sweeter than heaven / Hotter than hell…

Almost as immediate as the music subsided, the combine overwatch sprung into action. Malnourished aproned students swarmed over the yellow section of the third floor, being coordinated by a blue shirted porter. Their walkie talkies making more noise than the original event. The quiet patrol strolled throughout the book shelves and came together. The eyes of the students started to look in my general direction, fortunately most had been working and were, like the quiet patrol, unaware to the actual source of the noise.

Suddenly the eyes of a little asian girl and mine met, the tension raised the hairs on the back of my neck, her eyes narrowed to slits that eclipsed her irises, those who were on facebook and not enveloped in work saw this. A needle dropped and echoed throughout the building, without any proof she gave me the glance of someone that had got away with murder, shaking her head and muttering with what I assume was disgust she turned and left, the others followed.

I later found out on UoL’s Library site that I could be subject to a “…yellow card. Remember these cards carry penalties. For the first card it is a warning. For further cards there are fines, suspension of borrowing rights, a report to your department and the possibility of being banned from using the Library.” Although I recognise the annoyance of this, and am truly sorry, it was a mistake. Isn’t this a bit harsh and dare I say it Nazi-esque? Maybe it was my choice of music, if I had put the soothing notes of Beethoven on instead of the active ones of Florence would I have been treated differently? I don’t know, I hope so, but I do like Coldplay.

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Author: Mark Iliffe

Traveller, Programmer, Geospatialist and Motorcyclist

2 thoughts on “The Library Nazi Quiet Patrol”

  1. Two things:
    1) why was that post longer than 1 paragraph or even a tweet?
    2) would you have cited Goodwin’s law without QI? Im sure if I was feeling the need to procrastinate slightly more than I currently am I would find you violate Goodwin’s law without reference at some point before 11:20pm Wednesday 20th January 2010…
    Well three… Florence and the Machine falls under the Jools Holland law, if a band/artist appear on the Later with show, they are creditable (excluding Dizzee Rascal).

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